Saturday, September 26, 2015

The Most Consistently Funny Movies That Exist (in My Very Honest and Smugly Righteousrom Opinion)

Years ago I had a blog on Myspace. Yes. It was actually quite popular (with my friends). I also had a blogger and a livejournal blog. The blog on Myspace was my most public blog and was much like this blog, but most likely more whiny and complainy. I had met a friend online that I now call Plaintain (it's a long story that includes drunken high-jinx and a plaintain). So, Plaintain and I would email each other all the time over very deep philosophical which movies were the most consistently funny that I should put on my blog. Our email stream about the subject became so in depth that we never really finished the list because we couldn't stop arguing over what to keep and what to not keep. For example, he wanted Leslie Neilson movies included. Um, no. I wanted 'Sideways'. He thought it was too morose. I agree now. In my old age.
I probably eventually wrote a blog consisting of the continuously funny movies that we finally agreed upon but I have a bad memory and I want to write it again....except this time, I'm not consulting Plaintain. Take that, Plaintain. Take that.

What would I define as a 'consistently' funny movie?
It has to make me laugh pretty consistently throughout the entire movie. There are many movies that are funny, but there aren't many that keep you laughing like every other minute. THAT is what I'm talking about here, yo.

Why FUNNY movies?
Comedies are my very favorite. I actually got really pissy at a dude a couple years ago when a group of us were looking for a movie to watch and he kept trying to pick these serious, artsy dramas and I kept trying to pick stupid comedies. That part is fine. Everyone has their different tastes. But, then he started ridiculing my taste. Here's the thing. I love artsy, indie films, I just prefer to watch them on my own so I can give them my full attention and reflect. I was in a bad mood that night and I think I said something along the lines of; "I think all day long because I'm so intellectual and I'm definitely more cultured than your little pinky so I don't need to prove myself with indie films...I just need to relax my brain with a stupid comedy - and blah blah some other very bratty stuff. "Yeah....don't worry. I have since apologized for my brat out moment. But, darn it--don't judge my comedy watching!

Now that you all hate me. I will be more pompous by pretending to say I have final say on THE MOST CONSISTENTLY FUNNY MOVIES OF ALL TIME! Enjoy! (in no particular order excepting that The Jerk DOES belong at the top)

1. The Jerk
"This guy hates these cans! There's cans in there too! Stay away from the cans!"
"Naven R. Johnson. Sounds like a typical run of the mill bastard. Die, Naven R. Johnson!"

The Jerk is my very favorite movie of all time. Everything about it is amazing. Almost every single line is hilarious. I die every time I watch it. Die. You probably don't want to watch this movie (or many of the others for that matter) with me, because I know every line and will say them along with the movie....but, I've tried to chill on that.

2. Coming to America

"What kind of music you like?"
"Whatever kind of music you likkkkee"

"Just let your soul glo"

3. Idiocracy
"Welcome to Costco, I love you."
"I supersize with you"
"What I'd do, is just know, like, you know what I mean, like..."

This movie is so amazing. It is hilariously true to the way our society is going. Sad if you think about it, but funny if you just go with it. This is not a movie for a stupid person. I've found that they get offended by it/don't understand what is funny."Huh, huh, huh"

4. Half Baked
"I love Butterstuff."
"Yo, I think I'm gonna make a run for it, B"
"I'm not gonna do...what everyone thinks I'm gonna do....which is FLIP OUT!"
"The doctor says I need a backiotomy!"

So many good one liners!

5. Planes, Trains and Automobiles
"Those aren't pillows!"
"You're going the wrong way!!"

It is a tradition in my family that we always watch this movie on Thanksgiving (that and watch the dog sportsball for us). I used to get really stressed out during this movie (and Back to the Future) because I was worried that they were NEVER going to make it home.

6. Bridesmaids
"You read my diary?" "At first I did not know it was your diary, I thought it was a very sad handwritten book."
"Stove. What kind of name is that?" "That's not a name. My name is Steve"
"Female fight club. We grease up, we pull in. Lillian doesn't know so it's 'Surprise, we're going to fight!' We beat the sh*t outta her"

Omg, the scene where Maya Rudolph poops in the street. Gafaawww!!

7. Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion
"Do you have some sort of business woman special?"
"You look so good with blond hair and black roots it's like not even funny"

8. Hot Tub Time Machine
"Must be some sort of.....Hot tub time machine"
"Great White Buffalo"

I saw this movie in the theater on a whim with my sister and a couple of her friends. I had never seen a preview. It was one of those times where you are so FREAKING pleasantly surprised that you just found a new favorite movie. Ugh. I love this.

9. Team America
"You are worthress, Arec Barrwin!"
"I promise. I will never die."
"Matt Damon."

How did the North Koreans not come after us when this came out? I am actually kind of scared to write this.

10. Clue
"He was always a rather stupidly optimistic man. I mean, I'm afraid it came as a great shock to him when he died, but he was found dead at home. His head had been cut off, and so had his, know"
"Oh my, this soup's delicious!"

This was one of my favorite movies as a kid and I definitely know EVERY SINGLE LINE. Beware watching this with me. Lines from this movie pop into my head on a regular basis. The other day, someone had wronged me and I kept thinking, in the voice of Wadsworth to Mrs. Peacock, "Don't you remember your fatal mistake.....You told us at dinner that we were eating one of your favorite recipes, and monkey's brains, though popular in Cantonese cuisine, are not often to be found in Washington, DC!!"

Didn't quite make the 'consistent' cut, but still notable:

Mean Girls
Easy A
Meet the Parents
Mrs. Doubtfire
Liar, Liar
Can't Hardly Wait
Road Trip
This is 40
We Are the Millers
But, I'm a Cheerleader
The Simpson's Movie
Wayne's World
Austin Powers
Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House
My Man Godfrey
This is the End

I'm sure I'm going to come back and be mad at myself for missing something really good.

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